i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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