Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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