you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
