ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I deserve this hangover.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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