I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
