I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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