I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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