I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize