i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
