I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
