Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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