Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
