I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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