All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
