his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
