So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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