My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
