I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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