just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
