I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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