I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize