Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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