well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
