Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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