i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
where are you?
Hypothermia
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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