Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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