I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
