I think my fart just growled at me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
