I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize