Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
