he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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