One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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