just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he thought i was a dude.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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