im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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