also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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