I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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