too bad you live with your parents still
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
