You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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