just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
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HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.