Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads