I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.