And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.