it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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