I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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