drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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