Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Come on in and take your pants off
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