I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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