A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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