we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high