She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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