from now on my penis is your penis
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
