dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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