She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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